Internalisation of what was the concept of the black person through 'The Man's' ideas in times of slavery and deadly racism, has, thus far, been the most successful tool of colonialism and continues to bear fruit and sustain the shadow of authority our oppressors once had over us. In too many ways, does this authority still mandate how we live, perceive and love.
And what is more Black and African than unconditional love and freedom?
In fact, what is more Human?
The concept of Black love is still somewhat of a challenge, even in these wildly progressive days. The love of a Black man fails to be received as genuine, unless it bears certain characteristics and these characteristics may vary depending on environment, and how much misogyny and patriarchy exists in your world, and also how much the men in your circles are allowed to express their own form of masculinity and femininity. The love of a Black woman is expected to accept unbearable conditions and situations with no complaint or resistance. And Black LGBTQ+ love still makes some people cringe and look away. Black people are still seen under the eyes of those who committed centuries long crimes against us. And society still, in some ways, perpetuates and condones their actions.
Does he give you 'girlfriend allowance?
Does she wear a weave?
Is your partner a man or a women?
Did he tell his friends about you?
Can she bear you children?
How has your journey as a transgender person affected how you love?
Does he beat you in order to shine on his insecurities and how imperfect he is?
Does she obey your rule?
"Being non binary gives me the freedom to live as whoever I want to be and still be me."
Does he restrict you from doing certain things and having certain relationships because he is simply jealous?
Does she have male friends?
Have they come out to their family yet?
Does he cuddle you at night?
Will she be attracted to your sensitivity?
Does he have a one penis policy?
Will he comfort you in your sorrow?
Does she support you in your goals as you do hers?
Now while some of those questions show care, gentility, sensitivity, and indistinction in how relationships work in some aspects regardless of gender, the others are simply trauma expressed through bigotry and restrictive gender roles and rules of love. Basically, a cut-and-paste of our oppression, and the real and protruding scar it left behind.
This dark scar some of our people actively express can show itself in a multitude of ways - the belief that another race of men cannot and do not, truly, love the Black woman; that a Black man loving a White woman is a sure path to some kind of grave; and that only heterosexual love is real love. I mean, of course, we all know how Black women are treated, "loved", and even hated, through the medium of a fetish. Let us not ignore that the Black LGBTQ+ love is being seen as an exotic display and that even Black men are being seen with the lens of "Once you go Black, you can never go back."
During slavery, our Black men were viciously hindered from protecting us against the brutal rapes, the forced taking of our children, and just the general objectification of our bodies, minds, hair, and selves. Our beautiful Black men were killed for loving us, and we, as Negroes and Kafers of the time, would constantly try to fix the brokenness that came with all of it - we did it out of love, as a community of a people, and they reciprocated that. WE were our only protection for each other.
The history of the Black LGBTQ+ in slavery and apartheid is not even recognized in mainstream history, so much so that it seems they literally came out of thin air in the 70s. Although we know so little about the LGBTQ+ in history, I know of stories from family about how they knew of openly gay and lesbian people in their time who were both accepted by some and murdered and persecuted by a large majority. They were close friends and relatives being treated as a sub-sub human of our kind. These kinds of living conditions are what forced some people to "live" in the closet, forcefully marry another sex, manipulate teenagers into sexual relations, and other horrible incidents our communities eventually discovered. I, for one, believe that the LGBTQ+ were as much part of Black history as any man, woman, or child, especially before colonization - I also believe they lived and loved openly without being judged, shamed, or murdered. How the LGBTQ+ became subject of taboo, disgust, and sin, isn't within my understanding, not yet.
So, fast forward, we aren't slaves anymore and we aren't being publicly killed and raped as entertainment, other races are legally allowed to outwardly show interest in Black people. The fight for Black sexy and beauty highlights the fetishistic tendencies portrayed by some in those other races. It is unapologetically anti-objectification of our Blackness, unless, of course, it is a consensual kink. All these other races now overcompensate their "love" towards Black people to prove that they aren't racist or fetishists - don't forget that dark scar that expresses itself in a multitude of ways, it's about to show some of its forms.
In society, over-exaggeration equals overcompensation, and overcompensation equals falseness of some kind. In the minds of our Black men, reignites that feeling of master using their Black women for his benefit and calls it love and admiration. So when the Black man, hears and sees other races claim love and admiration for Black women, he cannot fathom it as truth and will proudly and ardently protect his mother, sister, wife, anchor partner, girlfriend, metamours, daughter, grandmother, aunt, cousin, colleague, community member, and friend at all costs. He knows the power and feels the impact of a Black woman, all kinds of Black women, and finds it wrong for those who were once our oppressors to suddenly, openly, and "falsely" speak fondly of Black women.
The Black woman remembers that feeling when a Black man was something left to be desired by none as he was a tool, a primate, less than human, less than animal being. He was expendable, a slave just as she was, a sexual subject for humiliation and breeding just as she was. Now, the Black woman hears and sees the Black man being desired, so she rushes to parade him about and speak about him in fond and lustful ways to show the world his beauty and magic.
The LGBTQ+ person knows not of his ancestors before the violence that fell upon them and the closets they had to hide in. They remember the stories of how their fellow Black people would go to malicious lengths for "gender rectification" and how their Black people, the only group they could possibly belong to in such a time, rejected them. So now as the world shows love for the Black man and woman, it is their time to brightly, fearlessly, and eclectically show up and show out. Protest into the streets, parade their love, and strengthened community.
So, what is the cost of our reactions?
And how is it that the cost repeatedly falls upon our laps?
And how do we shine on the Black love that creates universes and shifts the space of time?
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